How to figure out what you want
The article explores why many people struggle to identify their true desires and offers practical strategies for uncovering what they genuinely want. It emphasizes distinguishing internal motivations from external expectations, and suggests methods like journaling, experimentation, and paying attention to envy and curiosity as signals.
Background
This is an article by **Hilary** (likely Hilary Corna or a writer using "Hils"), published on Substack, a popular platform for independent newsletters. The piece tackles a common but deeply personal question: how to identify your genuine desires when you feel disconnected from them. It draws on **internal family systems (IFS)** therapy, a model that views the mind as made of multiple "parts" (e.g., a critic, a pleaser) and a core "Self." The author also references **coaching** techniques (asking "and what else?") and the concept of **"low-stakes wanting"** — starting with tiny preferences (what tea to drink) to rebuild access to bigger wants. The relevance: many high-achieving or burned-out people (especially in tech, creative, or professional "grind" culture) struggle with this, making the post timely for Substack's audience of knowledge workers seeking meaning.