The Regret We Get Wrong
The article challenges the common fear of regret, arguing that regret is not a sign of failure but a valuable emotional signal that can guide better future decisions. It distinguishes between regrettable actions and inactions, noting that people often regret what they didn't do more than what they did. The piece encourages reframing regret as a tool for growth rather than something to avoid.
Background
- Jordan Grumet is a physician and author (of *The Purpose Code* and *Taking Stock*) who writes about the intersection of medicine, finance, and meaning. This piece draws on his clinical hospice experience and his broader reflections on what people actually regret at the end of life.
- The article pushes back against the pop-culture version of Bronnie Ware's "top five regrets of the dying" (e.g., "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself"). Grumet argues this framing is too individualistic and ignores systemic constraints — race, class, disability, caregiving obligations — that shape people's choices.
- Key distinction: *action regret* (regretting something you did) vs. *inaction regret* (regretting something you didn't do). Grumet argues we overvalue the latter because the former feels worse in the short term, even though inaction regret tends to linger longer. He also introduces *obligation regret* — regret for choices made under real or perceived duty to others.
- The piece is a case study in "applied philosophy of regret" and connects to a broader intellectual trend: rethinking simplistic self-help maxims with nuance from psychology, ethics, and sociology.